i will never coherently bang her
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
