I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
