But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
