There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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