Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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