Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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