he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
