Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
