Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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