gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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