Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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