Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
