I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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