I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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