I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
