so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
