No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
