Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
