I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
