Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My life is pants optional.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
