New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk is not a location!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
