you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
