Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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