it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
