I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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