I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.