I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
