There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again