she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
