Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall