somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
