I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
