ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life