I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
