I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
