Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
