My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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