my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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