so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
