Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
