i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
