The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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