woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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