I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
