Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Im part way to drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
