amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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