After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
