remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
