Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
