So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
