i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
