I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
