Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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