Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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