so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
