Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
