And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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