My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
