one might say we're banned from that church
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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