The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
