If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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