i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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