Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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