let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
