The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
