I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
