Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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