I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
