you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
