Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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