It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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