I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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