just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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