just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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