I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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