Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
