I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
