My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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