I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
