If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
