He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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