Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
