I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
