I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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