I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
