That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dicks are not precious.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
