Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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