nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
