Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
