Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want a musical about memes.
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